Sundays

I have very recently made a new rule for myself. And that is, if at all possible, I should do what I want and not do what I don't want to do on Sundays.

Weirdly I never realised how self-restrained I have become. My automatic reaction when I crave a junk food snack is to ignore myself, or try a substitute such as water or fruit or fruit juice. When I feel I want to watch a TV show I tell myself I should write a job application first.

Today (yesterday) I pigged out whilst watching Roswell Episode 1. Crisps, lin go (chinese sticky cake thingy for new years), and something else (I forget now) were all consumed. It felt suprisingly like freedom.

I also tidied my room though, because I have become so anxious about the state it is in, that I enjoyed tidying it up knowing that it would be clear and uncluttered at the end of the exercise.

I feel that, despite the fact that I have no job, I have become more anxious about my time and how I spend it, how to get the best use of my time. It seems like I have spent days doing nothing and it drives me crazy when I have a large to-do list. I know I am working my way through it, but it is far too slow.