update

I know it's been a while, but I guess I have gotten out of the habit of blogging, and it's just kinda hard for me to kickstart it again. Sometimes I even forget this is here.

I guess now there's TV in the house that's always on I can go numb my mind sitting in front of it and think about things - which leads me to want to talk about things - which leads me to posting here I guess.

So, TV is off. It is a late hour. Usually the best for blog posts...

Heard from an old friend the other day... it was weird as he just rang me up out of the blue and we chatted for about 10 minutes - it was really good to hear from him and hear that he's doing well.

He called in the middle of me doing a business game of sorts... it wasn't fun but it was a good learning experience I guess. It was kinda apprentice-like in that we got split up into groups and given a product to think of uses for and then to give a 2 minute marketing pitch on... all in 1.25 hours! Phil called after all the pitches were over and while we were waiting for the judges to make up their minds. My team didn't win 1st 2nd or 3rd, which is regrettable! I actually thought we had a chance, but apparently it was all about the marketing pitch and not about how well we had shaped our product. Quite uncharitably, I think if we could've dropped a member of our team we would've done better. He was just one of those extremely useless people who think they know what they are talking about or think they have good ideas, but everytime you give them a chance all they come out with is either a bad idea, or something you've thought of already and discussed and moved on from. He also slowed us down considerably wanting to talk about his bad ideas. Yeah, if we had been on the Apprentice in the boardroom I'd been ruthless.

Today took a train ride down to Richmond which was really pleasant, had a few drinks with the class at the Cricketer's on the Green, then moved down to a pub by the river when I was quite annoyed by something that happened, and then annoyed that I couldn't let it go.

Basically it was a quite crowded pub and we were in the outside bit (I would call it a beer garden but there was no garden per say), and had found a table of 4. There were 6 of us, and a couple of guys were sitting at the next table, which was a table of 6. So I went over to ask if they'd mind trading, as they were 2 on a table of 6 and we were 6 on a table of 4. Quite aggressively, they told me that there were 4 of them, and 2 of them had gone off to the bar. Well, I said, that's a table of 4 there. One of them just looked at me and said "We're comfortable where we are". So I just said "Well, thanks then" and walked back to my table, a bit annoyed, but mostly shocked by how unhelpful they had been. They hadn't even been using the last 2 seats, a couple sat down in them shortly afterwards. All it would have taken is for them to have gotten up and moved less than a metre and sit back down again. I had been incredibly polite, apologised for disturbing them, and had asked nicely, and I just couldn't see a reason why they hadn't obliged.

I got to wondering whether it was my accent or the colour of my skin or the fact that I didn't live in Richmond, or whether if I had been a white chesty blonde or a big burly (male) rugby player whether they would've had the same reaction. I still don't know and I wish I'd asked why, although I'm sure they wouldn't have given me the real reason. I didn't want it to ruin the drinks with my friends, so I tried not to think about it, but it was hard when there was 6 (and then 7) of us squashed into a table of 4, and the uncomfortable circumstances kept on reminding me of the incident.

That aside, it was really nice in Richmond. At the pub I ordered a berry and apple crumble and custard for £4.75 which turned out to be *giant*. Like it was pretty much an entire pie, and could've served 4 people quite happily. I only finished 3/4s of it.

Getting anxious about my thesis - it's an emotional roller coaster for me, to use a cliche. Stress, excitement, worry, fear... it's all there!

I dreamt...

I dreamt you came back to us.  Just walked back into our lives as if you hadn't disappeared for so many years - then again you always do that in my dreams.

Where are you?  What are you doing?  Will you ever walk back into my life for real?  It'll be good to hear from you.