quotes from emails to... *******

Why doesn't being what you think you are have anything to do with being the best at it? Why can't you be an 'equilateral polygon' and define yourself as that? Me, I'm smart enough to make it to a good uni, but not so smart as to be anywhere near the top of the class, I'm slightly obssesed with karate, but not obssessed enough to go to every single training session at expense to my health or studies, I like dancing but haven't had much of an opportunity with time constrictions; I'm kinda funny, kinda ditzy, kinda out there, kinda shy, and I'm fine with that.

I think all our life we've been trying to take control of who we are, as a way of measuring out some sort of order to our life, to make sense of the chaos (another cliche, go me!). It sounds like you've let go of the control, that you've just decided to sit back and go "ok, now what?" when what you should be doing is not sitting back but going with it. If your life takes you one direction and you like it, go with it. If you don't, fight it, and go somewhere else you want.

My next boyfriend will be.. rich. Shy. have a mop of black floppy hair and plays the guitar. He'll be politically minded and care about the environment and issues. He'd be blown away by my humour and we'll have an awkward courtship until he finally takes it upon himself to kiss me one night when we're hanging out together making posters for an environmental campaign. He'll write (good) poems about me and turn them into songs on his guitar. He'll be funny as hell and know how to swing dance... and not be afraid to dance in front of people. We'd get along like a house on fire, and if he doesn't already love Hanson I could turn him.

As an example of just how strange my past few months has been, I'm now blonde (and it's true, blondes do have more fun).

I am busy - all the time. It is only in those rare times when I get caught, unexpected, with nothing to do, that my mind wanders, that I wonder where the people who were once in my life have gone to, who they are now. Most recently you, and Ian. George. Boff, briefly. Even Rachel. Elaine, Danni, Sam. But it doesn't bother me so much anymore. People grow and change. They move on, they find other people. We can't just stay in one place, static, stale. If we are always looking behind us, we never see what is in front of us. That is a cliche. A few of the names on that list I willingly walked away from, and haven't looked back. ***** - we walked away from each other and though I miss him dearly, I can't regret that. I had to, for my sanity.