(yes, that is an Alanis Morissette quote. The first 3 albums I ever bought were bought on the same purchase and they were Jagged Little Pill, The Lion King Soundtrack, and the Batman Forever sountrack. Hows that for variety?)

I've just handed in my visualisation practical which was due 13 hours ago. After dissertation I slept... I had set aside time to do this work but I spent it sleeping... and sleeping... and sleeping...

On Saturday I went to bed at 9 and woke up at midnight and wrote 600 words about my upbringing, played around on the net then went back to bed at 5.

<>I had this vision while I was doing my dissertation, that when I finished I would get my life back. And in a way I have, I am now back at training (3 weeks of no training is pretty sucky), and I'm trying to sort out non-coursework related stuff... and I have slept, but I still feel like I am wandering around in twilight zone. I walked into the labs last night and needed a large share of long-lasting hugs, and chocolate. I ate a whole Cadbury's Easter egg though and felt really ill afterwards. Not the best idea then. But at least it made me feel better eating it and I got through some work.

On Thursday night Cat and I went for a walk and it occurred to me how nice it was to be outside in the fresh air just walking... not trying to get from one place to the other as fast as possible so I could spend more time doing work... and it was incredible just how pleasant it was.

And then I look at all that I've got planned this month and the next and then it's exams and then we *graduate* and it just takes my breath away. It makes me feel so grown up, and when I tell myself I'm 22 I can hardly believe it. But the crazy thing is, that I have to believe it because I don't feel like any other age. I'm not a kid, and I've thankfully grown past those awkward teenage years, and I have a bank account and cook my own meals and manage my own time. Ever since I have come to University I have looked back every year and realised I have grown a lot in that year, and I'm more sure of myself than I have ever been. But the thing that strikes me the most is that *kids lookup to me*.

I think about life after graduation and it's pretty scary. Coming to University was my first step into the big world, and Edinburgh was a last minute thing, and I have loved it here. I am very aware that I have no plans after graduation apart from my vague "I will apply for masters. Sometime this week. Really", and it seems like I could end up anywhere doing anything and I could love it or hate it or become mundane with it. After this relatives will expect me to get a career, find a husband, settle down, have kids. But I can't see myself living that life, but I guess I can never see myself doing anything but whatI am doing here and now.

It's why I dread that question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10?" even more than most people. See myself? I see myself in some random country, doing some random thing. Where, what? I guess even though I'm an atheist I will say it's entirely up to fate. I would like to believe we make our own destiny, but from what I've experienced in my life things happen whether you want them to or not, the unexpected happens and your life changes.

I guess that went off topic a little. But the general theme is... time is passing by. Maybe we should all be a bit more aware of this, should think harder about that phrase "spend your time wisely".