I can't believe it's already been 28 days since I handed in my dissertation. That's like... a month. Well, February. It's 4 weeks.

I suppose some significant things have happened, but unlike most Significant Things, it hasn't made the time seem longer, but shorter.

I'm famous.

In a way. I was ill. I got better. I pulled off the heroine trick by fighting while ill and still pulling it off. Silver medalist, baby! Second best of the Scottish Universities. Second best. Still not the best... but I'm getting there.

I plugged into something, into crazy emotion that I never knew I could plug into before. And it was great and horrible and faces got bashed (including mine) and by the end of it all I just wanted to collapse on the ground and throw up. But then again I wanted to do that before it started, just not as much.

What does this mean? It means I'm recognised at competitions. People know who I am. People come up and talk to me who I've never talked to in my life, and they know my name. I didn't even know they existed until that moment when they say my name. It means the Scottish Champion tells me I did well. It means the refs are pleased with themselves for noticing me when I was a junior, for investing in me. It means that if I ever have kids they can brag that their mother was once a silver medalist in the Scottish Universities, and don't you dare mess with her! It also means that I have something to prove now. That every competition, from now on, I have to do well in. There's no going out in the first round, no performing badly because I'm tired and can't be bothered.

I got hurt. I knew I would, I just didn't expect that much hurt. But it was ok, because I used it and I got over it, and I was right, and now I know I was right, I'm going to be even more insufferable because now I have more faith in my decisions.

I've had a week of chilling, work, and partying, which has been amazing. Nothing like getting over a bruised ego like winning a limbo competition and then being fought over. Mind you, not being fought over in a physical way, 'cause that would just be ridiculous. But, you know, the "pay attention to me!!" kind of way, which is just flattering.

I deceptively feel like I have a bit more free time now, and I have some decisions to make regarding my future. I'm going to open up as many options as possible, obviously, but I'm going to have to make a decision at some point, which is kinda scary.

I'm dropping karate for a week because I've recently been feeling 'blah' about it. Feeling 'blah' about karate is not new, but it's been a while since I've felt this way. I think I just need some time away. That doesn't just mean no training, it also means no videos, no people (well, as much as possible, seeing as I live with one), no kicking people in the head randomly, no practicing kata in my head or while walking, and no spur of the moment fighting. I'm going cold turkey, and hopefully I'll miss it so much I'll come back with a vengeance.

Apparently winning a silver medal extinguished the fire instead of making it larger.

I'm just gonna relax. Do my work. Hang out with people I've not hung out with in a while. Watch movies. I watched 3 movies last night and 1 tonight. Think about my future, maybe come somewhere closer to a decision. Maybe think about boys. I feel like a third wheel at the moment with a new relationship that's started around me. I'm stuck smack bang in the middle, and I'm the only person there. It's really really weird. So in the middle that people are talking menage trois (though they are only joking. I hope). However, I think I need to make my mind up about my future before I even start thinking about boys. Plus there're hearts I don't want to bruise, egotistical of me to say it, but judging from past events I guess I better start taking responsibility. I've never taken the thought that people would have a crush on me very seriously, and I guess that has been A Bad Thing for me to do, judging from statistics. If you had told me about this 5 years ago I would have thought you were insane. I guess thats schoolWallflowers++.

I'm up for doing random things. I'm talking going to a ball by myself, meeting couple people and going out to a club with them afterwards. I'm talking hanging with my supposed enemies and having great two-hour long conversations with someone I've barely spoken to before, someone I've always disliked as a supposed enemy. I'm talking spur of the moment meeting a friend's brother and going to a jazz bar til late. I'm talking watching movies with a friend until 4am and crashing on couches. It makes me feel like I'm living.