Third Culture Kids - Pollock, van Reken

George....

You know what Valerie did wrong? You know how you ended up the way you did and I the way I did? Did she have no compassion or did she just not even think about it? How the hell did she separate the both of us so that we didn't even meet until 2 years later and let us go through what we did?

Yes, I still rage about it. I still think we could've stabilised each other. Look how much we did for each other when we finally did meet. Well, that is, at least look how much you did for me. I hope I did something for you. I guess she might've been worried (if she had even thought about it at all) that we could've formed a little two-people clique and destroyed ourselves... but I sincerely believe that we would've done alright with each other.

So I got a book today - I'm more than halfway through the 300 paged TCK book... and you should probably read it. It explains a damn lot. Most of it I've figured out by myself but as I'm reading little bits of my life or my personality faults flash into my brain and I go "damn... that's why".

In this book I see my relationship with Ian. The whole time I was in that relationship I "knew" it wouldn't last... from the very beginning. Why? Because, apart from my family who are stuck with me I've never experienced a relationship that has lasted. I either leave my closest friends or they leave me, and forget me. Not pointing any fingers here, but there we go. All apart from Vashti and Eamon.... apart from Vashti forgets me everytime she gets a boyfriend (but comes back... eventually) and Eamon wasn't even a close friend to start with... he was just someone who didn't go away (you know I love you!).

Even in the best moments I'd be telling myself to soak it up as much as possible while it lasted and be busy remembering him... because I knew when he left I would want those memories.

I also see my total coldness and lack of affection.... something that drove him up the wall, and I truly admire that he stuck with it for so long, especially as he never seemed to know me at all.

I see friends. Like a friend's sudden and total anger that erupts at small things, confusing friends who see him take much bigger things calmly. It makes so much more sense now.

I see me the day my parents dropped me off at university in first year... feeling total and unexpected loss.... being abandonned again, even though I was the one doing the abandonning.

This book is fucking insane.