*sigh*

I keep promising myself that I will stop going on about relationships and guys who have asked me out and my love life in general because really this isn't part of my life at all (apart from the now becoming humorous once-monthly asking out from random guy) but when I read this I had to post it and explain.

"I don't mean that anything is better than being alone. I mean that the strange longing that comes with being *together* but apart-from-each-other will fade. The you-shaped hole in my chest that appeared when you stepped out for a newspaper and disappeared when you returned (hollering about the headlines) will heal over. It's the most sad and wonderful benefit."

I guess this is why I've just told everyone "no". No, I will not go out with you. No, I will not go out with him. No, I will not go out with anyone for the time being. When I explain/complain that they (boyfriends) take up too much time people say "but you don't have to spend that much time with them!".... but then what is the point? If I don't spend that much time with them and don't care then why am I going out with them? If I don't spend that much time and do care.... why I'd just be walking around with a big him-shaped hole in my heart which would just suck. And I don't have time for this moping around thinking "I'd much rather be with... *insert name here*".... I'm juggling 4th year and captainship and organising stuff!

But I liked that post. It explained perfectly. It also reminded me why I was so fantastic at karate last year. Karate kept me sane and I put 100% amount of effort into it everyone single session... enough to temporarily fill the hole for those glorious 2 hours. Funny how when you're emotionally suffering the physical suffering is welcomed... how you feel like you deserve it, somehow.