I'm tired.

And it seems really egotistical, but I'm really quite sick of guys asking me out, or hitting on me, or even just staring at me.

It was fun and exciting for a while, and made for great stories from America, but I'm trying to get serious about studies and captaincy here and boys just keep getting in my way.

I had a long week. It was ridiculous. It was topped off by Ian coming over for the first time since we broke up and giving me back my stuff. Finally. And I was anxious and nervous and fretting and I wanted to see him but seeing him was not pleasurable - it was just a chore. I have two very different views on my future relationship with Ian - for one I feel like after spending a year being so close to a person and practically joined to the hip we should still be good friends. But I also feel like I have just stopped caring. Like I could not see him ever again and not really care. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't be sad about it either.

So maybe I am being disillusioned for the moment - by a failed relationship, by recent talks with A.lex, by the constantly chasing annoying boys. I feel like especially after recent talks with A.lex I should be more compassionate, but I am just annoyed.

I'm going to go hide in my bedroom now.