It's been 5 years

...5 years ago today I was 16 sitting in an office being bored. I checked some message boards and noted something in the 'news' section of the board.... "Twin Towers - Is everyone ok?"

I was the first person in the office to find out the awful news. I couldn't believe it... I told my boss and we checked the news websites... CNN and BBC were both down due to too many access attempts I suppose. Steve (my boss) made an announcement to the office then hauled out a TV from somewhere and a coat hanger and put the news on. We then went back to work. Because what else could we do?

I checked blogs compulsively... I had not much to do in the office... and every single one mentioned something about it until I got to one... this guy had just woken up and I remember he said something like "It's a beautiful day outside.... the skies are blue and the sun is shining, I hope everyone has a nice day!"

That day in the city centre as I was switching buses to go home I ran into someone from school. We talked about it and he said "So many people die every day from bombs in the middle east and the western world don't care..." which made me think. It's not fair. But death of innocents never is.

When I was at camp I somehow got into a conversation with some of my kids about it... it again brought home in a different way how terrible these attacks were when one of my 10 year olds said he was in the area when it happened.... he would've been 5. He told me how terrified he was when he heard the loud noises and then they evacuated his school.

Did they care? Did they think about the children they would affect? Was this the only way they could think of to make a statement? What were they possibly hoping to achieve? Does anybody know or even think about the answer today when we are all lost in the politics of wars with even greater loss of lives - innocent lives?

I'm not trying to make any specific point. I'm just saying what I'm thinking as I write this. I'm being sad about 5 years ago, and sad thinking about the many different ways it could've changed the world, and how the world is now. Changed but unchanged... there is no more Saddam Hussein running experiments on his own people, Iraq is finding its feet after years of dictatorship and there is a chance for democracy, but there are also more wars, more innocent people dead in violence. America the country is more paranoid than ever, the people more concerned with homeland security, but everyday life continues the same as before.

American people are ever optimistic, ever hardworking, always believing in a better future, always willing to give strangers a chance, making the American dream possible.

New Yorkers in particular... I have walked around lost in Manhattan and put right by smiling friendly people, people who might not know the way but are willing to help you read the map and point out where you are and where you want to go, people who will walk you a block and point you in the right direction before going their own way.