arrrrgh hayfever!

My eyes are itching. I f*cking hate Hayfever. And I should really stop swearing within the next couple of days! And I should go to bed soon. I've finished packing... I'm off to London tomorrow (today), and then my flight leaves on Thursday afternoon. :/ This is the first time I'm taking a long haul flight by myself! The furthest I've been by myself is to Amsterdam!

I'm quite nervous and I don't think I'm ready at all! I should have read so much more information before hand, but there's just soooooo much. I've read quite enough as it is!

Went to visit a friend today, and I have to say, I hate hate hate East Birmingham. It's horrible. Maybe it's just the memory of school days, or it could be the rows and rows and rows of red brick houses with run down looking shops... the grafitti everywhere! I don't like it.

I was washing the dishes today, thinking about what bus routes to take to visit my friend, and figured I should take the 11, and I was remembering that one time I took the 97 then the 11 then the ** to get home... and as always whenever I think of the 97 I thought of Phil and George... then it hit me really hard that George had been in my dream last night! He kinda does that sometimes... wander into my dreams and I go "hey George" as if he's an everyday occurence and not someone I haven't seen in 4 years. And I thought. "Hey, it's been 4 years. Maybe we could be friends again. I've grown up a bit and if I can still be friends with Ian I can certainly be friends with George, and I'd really like to know how he's getting on and what he's doing and talk to him about computery stuff and tell geeky jokes". And then I thought "yeah, but... how?!"

So I sent Tom a text asking if George was still in London (recall, I'm going there tomorrow) and if possibly I could have his number? Tom says: George is not in London and he doesn't have his number, but he could possibly get it for me if I want?

And you know what, I figured, after all this time, he STILL KNOWS how to contact me. It's not like I changed all my e-mail addresses and phone numbers, in fact, I still have the same phone number I had 4 years ago. My e-mail address really isn't that hard to remember. My MSNM contact is still the same. I'm quite possibly sure if he wanted to he could find this blog on google AND MIGHT EVEN BE READING THIS RIGHT NOW (hello george you scary stalker) and hey, if you are, drop me a line, ok? I'd like to know if you're happy. If growing out of teenagerism and getting the hell away from east Birmingham saved you as much as it saved me. I want to know what you're up to. I have a few things in my life that need resolving, and you are definitely one of them. Help, please?

ain't it true....

extract from e-mail:

But people like u and I zara. We were born to stay mobile, to keep movin on, even when it's bloody hard up the ass.

Does my life so far mean that my life to come will always involve not staying in one place for any vast amount of time? After a time getting bored and feeling that urge to go somewhere else, experience something new? One of my mother's friends, also a life traveller, wrote her an e-mail saying she'd gotten bored and since her husband's job isn't taking her anywhere new anytime soon she moved the furniture around in her place so it was at least a bit different!

It's kind of fun to think of the future and wonder where on earth I could possibly end up... if 'end up' is even the right thing to say! Will I ever settle down in my house by the beach, with chickens in the yard and a vegetable patch? Or after a few years of that will I get tired and end up in Antarctica desperately trying to turn back global warming? Will I end up in a good career, climbing up the ladder, hamster on the wheel, or end up doing something I can't even imagine? Will I be a political activist living on some Greenpeace ship near an oilrig (my parents would be mortified) or even directly involved in an NGO like Oxfam or WWF, in fact what would the political landscape be like in 20 years from now? Will we still have leaders too blind to see the large devastating effect humans are having on the environment, countries blowing each other up every now and then, political leaders still running their country by the rules of their religion? Will some large natural disaster total us all and leave us with no future whatsoever? Or a large unnatural disaster? Will a disaster on a worldwide scale finally open the eyes of everyone and make them realise that we have to work together, to stop climate change, to make life fair for the world's poor, to make sure babies don't die just because they were born in the wrong country, to stop people killing each other over religion... religions whose fundemental underlying themes are love and respect for everyone?

I wasn't planning another large spiel of frustration when I started writing this. I was just wanting to think about my future, but whenever I do think of my future, it always worries me when I think of all the things that could go wrong between now and then. I hate how I'm planning a self defence class for girls, because I feel that it should be necessary, but I don't like that it is. I hate how in most countries it is really such a bad idea for a woman to take a walk at night by herself. I start wondering about human cruelty, and what drives people to do 'bad' things. I wonder if that's built into me as well, just suppressed by a good upbringing. If I had amnesia, forgot everything, would I be able to kill an innocent person? I kill flies and mosquitoes, don't I? Are their lives just not as valuable as a homo sapien's? Is the answer to most of the world's problems to make it impossible for people to have children unless they've proved they can be good parents?

What is evolution proving by all this? We're a pretty smart race. We've got opposable thumbs and large brains, and can walk upright. The obvious physical traits, that's what we've got. But what about personality? How much does that play a part in evolution? There're more and more articles from the science world showing that personality is built into us by our genes, so are personalities passed on or are they instilled by our upbringing? The psychologists like to call this 'nature or nature'. But say it is nature. Do the violent ones win out, or do the gentle ones? The kind or the cruel? Do the violent ones win because they survive through violence, or do the gentle ones win because they survive through co-dependence? At least since the days of the austropithecines humans have moved around in clans. We couldn't have done it as individuals! Is it survival of the fittest individual, or the fittest species? James Lovelock believes we'll destroy ourselves as a species, relieving the world of it's terrible burden.

I really need to stop prattling on I think. :/ But it was a good blogging session, I guess I haven't done this in a while!

You've got to make that change... today!

Man in the Mirror
Michael Jackson

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right...

As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya' see
Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could've been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that...
Change!

I'm starting with the man in the mirror,
I'm asking him to change his ways
No message could have been any clearer
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
'Cause when you close your heart
You can't close your... your mind!
That man, that man, that man
I'm asking him to change his ways
You know... That man
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
I'm gonna make a change
It's gonna feel real good!
Come on!
Just lift yourself
You know
You've got to stop it. Yourself!
I've got to make that change, today!
You got to
You got to not let yourself...
You know-I've got to get that man, that man...
You've got to move! Come on! Come on!
You got to...
Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand up and lift yourself, now!
Gonna make that change... come on!
You know it!
You know it!
You know it!
You know...
Make that change



I tried to edit out all the "yeow!" and "make that change, brother!"... but you get the general gist.

I don't know, what can I do? How can I do my part to save the world? Without trying to effect the general public, which is hard. The amount of times I've gotten odd looks and degrading comments because I've told someone I'm a member of People & Planet... ("dirty hippies!") Even both my ex-boyfriends are quite bad with the hippie thing... which, I suppose, is part of the reason they are ex boyfriends...

Anyway. This is a call. Stand up today and do something to change the world for the better! No matter what it is, and tell yourself that you will continue making the world a better place while you live.

Ideas? Silly little things like making sure you've got energy saving lightbulbs instead of normal lightbulbs, turning off your television instead of leaving it on 'standby', walking down to the shops or taking your bike or a bus instead of taking a car, shopping at farmers markets instead of the supermarket, planting a tree, making sure you recycle......

Donate! Even if it's just £5, it'll make a lot of difference in other parts of the world. Some sites to donate to or volunteer at:

ZOE Children's Homes (fight child prostitution)

Disasters Emergency Committee - always helping victims of not just the latest disasters, but the disasters everyone else has forgotten about

Oxfam - Helping to combat hunger, poverty, and injustice

Amnesty International - Ensuring everybody (child soldiers, abused women, etc) knows their human rights and exercises them

WWF - Saving the world for another day... for your children, your grandchildren, your great grandchildren, and other species of animals besides humans!

In other news, I've decided that if I ever settle down then as well as raising chickens I want to have my own little vegetable patch as well. Tomatoes, and carrots, and runner beans, lettuce, maybe even an apple tree... if I live in a suitable climate, anyway.