lazy days...

I'm still here! Really... I am. I've just been... enjoying... life! Kicking back and going "aahhhhh" while fighting off stress attacks which creep up on me and say "WTF are you doing??? Why aren't you studying???" to which I have to remind myself that I don't have to study! Not for a while anyway....

My trip to Belfast was successful despite me worrying about getting on an airplane with only a backpack and not a very full one at that! I always feel like I should have lots of luggage when travelling by plane.

Then my family came up and we had a little drive around Scotland which was very very cool, everyone should do it someday! Sure there's a lot of sheep and cows though.

When I got back to Edinburgh I went cow-hunting, shopping (I bought a dress!), organised and took my grading (I'm a brown belt now, yay!), packed up, had lunch with some of my favourite people, and came home to Birmingham. I've since watched 4 episodes of Lost and 9 episodes of Alias. I simply love Alias! So much that when I went into the office today (got called up at 8 something this morning for work, which I'm not too bothered about as I need the money!) I thought about posing as someone else with a different accent doing something completely different (say a single parent, lived in England all my life, was halfway through uni doing English until I got pregnant and dropped out to look after the kid after the bastard of a father left me?) but I didn't. I don't think I can quite pull off the English accent. Yet! Irish, maybe....

My sister has an interview coming up and my mum and her have been dragging me to shops to go shopping, and I ended up buying a red polka dot dress (at last!) and a camping bag for the US.

I went to visit a friend in hospital yesterday, he had a heart attack on Thursday morning but he seems completely fine. He's only 21 (22 today), so it was a real surprise to everybody! He walked into the ER though, so it wasn't like his heart had stopped beating, which makes me feel a million times better. After visiting hours were over, I came out of the hospital with two mutual friends and his girlfriend, and all three of them, right after coming out of a hospital, lit up a cigarette! I couldn't believe it. I'm not that unhealthy but after seeing J I feel like staying away from junk food for a while!

yay!

I finished my last exam on Saturday, 'twas great!!!

It went quite well, considering I did very little studying for it compared to the others. After that I had the Scottish Unis, but I arrived too late for my fight :( So I got back on the bus and went to spend time with 9/7! Yay! It's always lovely to see them again :D

Yesterday I had to go to a Camp America meeting and sat there and listened for 3 hours... I only needed about 30 minutes of that stuff, but, oh well. Then I bought a cake and candles for Adam as it was his birthday and he was spending it in the labs studying!!! I was going to make it a surprise but when I got there he'd already had cake from his mom, so I just told him I got him cake and we planted 21 candles and lit them all. :D He managed to blow them out in one! After that I went down to collect money from people and they were like "Are you coimng to the pub?" and I was like "no, I have to go do... what am I talking about?? I don't have anymore exams!!!" so I went to the pub for an hour. :D Then I went back to the labs and Adam decided he hadn't done any work and he wasn't going to do any and it was his birthday damnit, so we went to the pub with Kumar and G and played Jenga and Pictionary. :D

We played 3 rounds of Pictionary and Adam and I won twice... the first time we played it with normal rules, drawing only, but the second and third rounds we played with acting as well. In the third round Adam and I blitzed around the board in 2 or 3 moves. Kumar and G just couldn't believe it! We were hot stuff :D

Today I have to go to sort lots of things out for my trip to Belfast tomorrow, and clean up the flat! I should really get off my ass and start the day off :/

Ow.... my head....

I'm not sure whether it's caffeine withdrawal or just a plain cold (or hayfever).

I don't know which to hope for... caffeine withdrawal is easy to fix quickly but will take a long time to fix permanently, together with lots of tiredness, while a plain cold will be over within a few days. And hayfever is inevitable and will last while the flowers are feeling frisky.

Yeah I've been a tea addict for the past few weeks. Even when I got up and had 10 hours of sleep I'd get sleepy and go "hmmm tea!" and then get back to studying. It's a wonderful studying aid.

Speaking of which...

soooo bored

I have secluded myself in the very unpopular 'dungeon' computer labs, where the only other person is Player-boy, who is in another room (avoiding me?).

This is very good for studying, I'm on Lecture 6 (of 16), but means I'm sooo very bored. Also leads to vast amounts of procrastination on Facebook and HotorNot. I also have to wake myself up by turning on my mp3 player occasionally and blasting really loud music into my ears.

My goal is to finish Lecture 16 by 5 (or even 6), maybe move to popular labs, depending on how insane I am getting, do some exam papers, and then go home to bed. go go go go go go!

...

Listening to my mp3 player on random play (1325 songs).

Cue song 888...

I'm glad I'm over that phase.

dear *insert deity of choice here*. I'm earlier than the library

I woke up at 9am today to go to the library and borrow something from the... I want to say restricted section (Harry Potter, anyone?) but what I mean is the reserved section! As the book is quite expensive and I never ever want to have anything to do with compilers ever again and will most definitely not want the book for next year's compiling course... but the library only opens at 12 on weekends. I swear it was 10. Anyway so I went to the cafe to get a cup of tea and read a paper for a bit to congratulate myself on getting up, and this girl shot this evil look at me.

...

I've noticed that a lot lately. Girls shooting evil looks at me. I'm not sure why this is. I don't even know these girls! I feel like I've stolen someone's boyfriend or something.

Today is very rainy and misty and all that... typical british weather! Instead of hating it I really enjoyed walking through it... felt like I was in storybook Britain. It's a huge contrast from the warm sunny days that have been happening the past week or so, so it's not bad.

Yikes, angst!

Whoops, sorry about the angst! Just I realised that tomorrow (today) is not our second year anniversary which means that Tuesday was exactly a year after we got back together after he broke up with me for 3 days and in hindsight it wasn't the cleverest thing I ever did. But everyone deserves second chances. Just that, it smarts to give someone a second chance and realise afterwards that there was no point.

So! My plans for my not second anniversary tomorrow is to read a lot about Compiling Techniques as my exam is on Monday, eat lots of chocolate, and drink tea. About the same as every day, then.

To celebrate, I'll share with you something I found looking through my computer trying to clear things out...

21 Things I want in a Lover
Intelligent (but know that it alone does not equate wisdom)
Open to all kinds of music and like more than one kind
Spontaneous
Not afraid to stand out from the crowd/look silly
Put others first - but not disregarding self totally
Chivalrous
have a passion - guitars, physics, music, fencing?
Internationally aware - do you know what is happening outside of Britain/Europe?
Stand up for what you believe in
Idealistic - not pessimistic (view of the world, life, etc)
Open minded - Not afraid of trying out new things, can put up with oddities
not NEED to be with me - but would rather be with me than without
Have a good sense of humour - probably sarcastic and self-deprecating
Creative/Musician
Widely read
Supportive
Sensitive but not too sensitive
Idea of a night out is in a pub talking rather than clubbing
Not possessive
Can cook
Does not do drugs/smoke

I wrote that for Valentines day in 1st year... all my flatmates wrote one and we stuck them on the door of our flat, without our names, asking people to guess who we were and to suggest anybody they knew! Of course it takes after the Alanis Morissette song 21 Things I want in a Lover.

If I were bitter or analytical I could totally dissect that and say all the things the ex isn't... but I don't wish to hold grudges and he was only horrible at the end (the rest of the time he treated me like a princess) and that wasn't intentional... rather it was negligent and careless, and he could've handled it better, but everybody makes mistakes. Also, like the song says, the list is not necessarily needs, but qualities I'd prefer.

To clarify, no, I don't really hate him. I was being overdramatic as usual. I just hate how he handled things at the end. But that's not hating him. It's like something I remember learning in psychology, way back in IB... children (and everyone, really) need unconditional love, and they need to know that just because they did something bad their parents don't not (I know, double negative!) love them anymore, but their parents just think that what they did was bad but still love them.

Anyway I'm not analysing anymore as I really really don't want to and I need to learn about compilers.

I still hate you...

...for changing me irrevocably
...for taking a year of my life
...for taking pieces of my heart I can't get back
...for pleading me to lean against you when I was strong and independent and then walking away when you had sapped away my independence
...for being able to tell such good lies
...for not knowing your own heart
...for only thinking that you loved me.

moo moo moo moo moo - Beltane!

Yesterday I got up, did some studying, went to Tracy's, had lunch, did some more studying, and decided to go to Beltane! I figured I'd better go this year or next year I might have an exam the day before like some of my friends, and I haven't been the past two years due to just not being around.

So I left Tracy's to get dinner (that evil girl fed me 3 cups of tea and I was having hot flushes then feeling dizzy), then Scott called me up and said he had an extra ticket (his flatmate dropped out), and he didn't want to go alone, and could he come with us? Yeah! Then I bought some meringues (craved them 'cause I had frozen strawberries at Tracy's) and went to the labs and tried to study for half an hour but Adam and Tom were there and we were talking so I didn't study. Then Scott came and we waited around for Tracy and she and her flatmate turned up and I dragged Scott and Dane down and we walked to Calton hill but the tickets had all sold out!!! So Scott and I went in and I felt bad about leaving them. :/

Then we watched some cool fire stuff, but this guy was wearing spokes of fire and one of them had curled into his back so he had to take it off. Sounded painful! He seemed ok though. Then we watched as the white ladies came down and the ceremony of the green man and the white lady, and I spent most of that on Scott's shoulders and on his back. I felt like I was 6 again. Whee!

I saw tooo much of Tom (who performed) last night! heh heh heh heh. Then because I was caffienated and had eaten lots of sugar, I ran halfway to the labs and ran around the labs several times. Spoke to Alex and Farbod for about 10 minutes then realised I was disturbing their studying and went to disturb Adam instead. :D Studied some more but mostly was very hyper. I think Adam would've been done a lot sooner if I hadn't come and distracted him!

Took the morning bus home at around 5:15 then went to bed.