Bus route to rot - and a car ride to faith

After leaving that place I bundled all the emotions I ever had about it and threw it into a dusty corner. I never wanted to look at it again.

Is it possible to be fond of and dislike a place at the same time?

Walking from C block to A block - that familiar path, I realised that after all I was quite fond of the place. Or maybe it was just that path. But whenever I think about it a dislike creeps into my heart.

It is not. hatred. Merely a distate. Above all things I never wish to be back at school there, and am so happy that time passes and I finally grew up enough to leave it.

Maybe afterall it is not the physical place I dislike but the people. In civilisation, isn't hell made by people?

Enough. I am loathe to poke at these buried emotions anymore.



So why was I back at the accursed place?

A birthday party down the road. Taking the bus down from town and seeing all the familiar places felt like impending doom. And so for closure, or curiosity, or just pure sadomasochism, I walked around it again, to see what lay dormant. And would you know it - it still looks exactly the same as I left it. And as I left it again the groundskeeper called out to me to ask me what I was doing.

"I was just wondering what you were doing up at the reception?"
"Oh, I was just having a look around"
"What were you looking for?"
"My heart"
"Oh I was a student here once"
"and I was wondering if I still hated it"
"Oh, right. I was just wondering what you were doing around here, that's all"

and I turned and walked away.

The birthday party was ok. A little intimidating at first as there was no one I knew apart from Becky, birthday girl. But then some people from school walked through the door. Were they the angels or the devils? Angels mostly, but devils sometimes. It was nice to see them and catch up. Strange statistic - 2 were in long-term relationships (+year) and 2 had broken up with their long-term relationship (one year, and 3 years) about 3 months ago. The other I didn't really speak to much, she seemed to know quite a few people there and I didn't really get much time to speak to her. Only Becky and Cheryl were at Uni, the other 3 were working at jobs that will do for now. No one knew what they wanted to do in the future (that includes me).

Strangely there were some people that I met at Becky's 18th (tonight was her 21st) that still remembered me and we had a nice chat - they were really nice people. Two of them have been going out for 5 years and are getting married in June. They have a little 3 year old daughter and I'm so amazed at how people my age can be so committed and responsible. I was looking through a Wedding edition of the Times Magazine recently and decided that I could never ever (in the next 5 years) get married. It scares the hell out of me. And kids? I could never raise a kid!

Apparently when we met at Becky's 18th Hannah said to Kyle "oh my god she's just like me!" and then I dissappeared for 3 years ("how rude!" Kyle said) and then there I was again. :D But I guess I'm not because, again, wedding and kidlet?

After I left the party I was standing at the bus stop and they drove past and drove back again and told me to get into the car - they took me somewhere with more bus stops and waited with me until the bus came. I didn't let them give me a lift back because it's a good 15 minutes in the car even without traffic, but it was really really nice of them considering we'd only known each other for 3 hours (or maybe 6, if you count Becky's 18th!).

So yeah. After my dismal visit to the hopesucking place my faith in humanity was renewed by those two. I wish them all the best for the future - they seem like a great couple and very happy together.

Speaking of great couples - I finally (kind of) met Becky's boyfriend tonight as well, they just look like they belong together, and I think if you see that and have known one of the people for a long time before they met the other person, then that says a lot.

I took the 96 back to the city centre.