my eyes sting. My mom phoned me just now and said the usual things that mothers say.

I think one of the worst things about this is that at any other time I could feel even a quarter of this bad I'd run to you and you'd give me a big hug and it'd be better.

I don't know what to do with myself.

My Love

Your skin glows like the Banana, blossoms flat as the Orchid in the purest hope of spring.
My heart follows your violin voice and leaps like a octopus at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats in on a great Raven wing.
I am comforted by your Tie that I carry into the twilight of bowlbeams and hold next to my finger.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of juice.
As my knee falls from my jeans, it reminds me of your house.
In the quiet, I listen for the last baaaaa of the day.
My heated elbow leaps to my skirt. I wait in the moonlight for your secret phone so that we may turn as one, elbow to elbow, in search of the magnificient blue and mystical chair of love.

The love poem generator

Over ot her and watched a
matter of
hours ago.The Horse
and you prepared
the other words made me
somewhere with Tracy, then I
was excellent series
it and printing stuff Yaaayyy!!! How
rude! Kyle said to gain any
number of
IB to be covered by
a maximum fees my
sister taped for Weiss? What you
were in then. some snacks to the
Tree by so
a very
long time Walking from a big SKILL that I
could never ever had
scrawled all the future that long!!! *
time before I
came
home and drove back until
the last forever.Then some studying Then
on holiday
and what else have
been tension between
Ike and the sidebar. > width:
226px; float: left; } #
it.

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator

"The first day of kindergarten, you cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far. Ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is, yeah, I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow, and I love scary-veiny Willow."

:/

I'm feeling better this morning. afternoon. I stayed up till about 4:30 reading "The Horse and his boy" (C.S. Lewis)

don't make me go to karate tonight.

:(

In other words Mark's made me grumpy and I should probably go to bed before I bite someone's head off. But I don't want to.

Also, my toes are cold!!! :( And going numb.

:(

Well yesterday and today was good until, well, a couple of hours ago.

I got my haircut yesterday and got paid £40 for it! R0x0rz. Then I studied for a very long time and crashed at Tracy's.

Today I woke up and had breakfast with Tracy, then went to see Lana and helped her a bit with flat hunting and printing stuff then did some studying and then took some stuff I printed for Lana over ot her and talked to her some more. She gave me some snacks to take back to studying! Then I got back to studying and realised I had to write up karate minutes of the last meeting and spent an hour doing that. Then I studied some more. Then I came home and had a shower and ate dinner and sat down and checked my mail.

ONLY TO FIND that Mark had scrawled all over my minutes with his 'facts' (mostly opinions) and he wasn't even at the meeting! Poo. I'm not happy.

http://www.geocities.com/zazuzaz/asciianzara.html

:/

I chipped my tooth at dinner tonight with the karate committee - I was/am not happy!

If you tolerate this then your children will be next

Went to the pub with Eamon last night and already knew someone from Judo, someone who's friends with a Rachel, heard of someone who's flatmates with another Rachel, and it was weird. Good night though - I so kicked ass at pool (not really). Ian stayed at his flat and watched "Playing it straight". :D

Lol omg

My boyfriend is mentioned in a web comic!

Captain planet!

He's a hero... gonna take pollution down to zero!!!

Just got an e-mail back from one of the programs I applied to for summer placement - they sent us a list of projects in Edinburgh! I would be so happy :D Oh yeah, it's the envrionmental one which gives me a warm glow. :)

I'd still love to hear back from Jagex or Motorola though.

I've spent all day doing accounts for the karate club - :( If you want to be a treasurer than organisation is a BIG SKILL that you NEED.

Carry on laughing.

The future is here... the future is... environmentally friendly!

Wind-up mobile battery charger?

Yes please! (the cheapest price, as I can see it, on the net in the UK)

Well as anyone who's hung around me for any significant amount of time when I'm away from home knows - my battery is always running out.

So... I'm definitely getting one of these. :D There's a big giant smile on my face right now.

Also something really cool... Water powered stuff! Yaaayyy!!! How awesome is that?

(and also, not because it's environmentally friendly but because I'm worried about why my phone always needs a recharge and so I can get back to it later without google... Nokia Batteries)

Bus route to rot - and a car ride to faith

After leaving that place I bundled all the emotions I ever had about it and threw it into a dusty corner. I never wanted to look at it again.

Is it possible to be fond of and dislike a place at the same time?

Walking from C block to A block - that familiar path, I realised that after all I was quite fond of the place. Or maybe it was just that path. But whenever I think about it a dislike creeps into my heart.

It is not. hatred. Merely a distate. Above all things I never wish to be back at school there, and am so happy that time passes and I finally grew up enough to leave it.

Maybe afterall it is not the physical place I dislike but the people. In civilisation, isn't hell made by people?

Enough. I am loathe to poke at these buried emotions anymore.



So why was I back at the accursed place?

A birthday party down the road. Taking the bus down from town and seeing all the familiar places felt like impending doom. And so for closure, or curiosity, or just pure sadomasochism, I walked around it again, to see what lay dormant. And would you know it - it still looks exactly the same as I left it. And as I left it again the groundskeeper called out to me to ask me what I was doing.

"I was just wondering what you were doing up at the reception?"
"Oh, I was just having a look around"
"What were you looking for?"
"My heart"
"Oh I was a student here once"
"and I was wondering if I still hated it"
"Oh, right. I was just wondering what you were doing around here, that's all"

and I turned and walked away.

The birthday party was ok. A little intimidating at first as there was no one I knew apart from Becky, birthday girl. But then some people from school walked through the door. Were they the angels or the devils? Angels mostly, but devils sometimes. It was nice to see them and catch up. Strange statistic - 2 were in long-term relationships (+year) and 2 had broken up with their long-term relationship (one year, and 3 years) about 3 months ago. The other I didn't really speak to much, she seemed to know quite a few people there and I didn't really get much time to speak to her. Only Becky and Cheryl were at Uni, the other 3 were working at jobs that will do for now. No one knew what they wanted to do in the future (that includes me).

Strangely there were some people that I met at Becky's 18th (tonight was her 21st) that still remembered me and we had a nice chat - they were really nice people. Two of them have been going out for 5 years and are getting married in June. They have a little 3 year old daughter and I'm so amazed at how people my age can be so committed and responsible. I was looking through a Wedding edition of the Times Magazine recently and decided that I could never ever (in the next 5 years) get married. It scares the hell out of me. And kids? I could never raise a kid!

Apparently when we met at Becky's 18th Hannah said to Kyle "oh my god she's just like me!" and then I dissappeared for 3 years ("how rude!" Kyle said) and then there I was again. :D But I guess I'm not because, again, wedding and kidlet?

After I left the party I was standing at the bus stop and they drove past and drove back again and told me to get into the car - they took me somewhere with more bus stops and waited with me until the bus came. I didn't let them give me a lift back because it's a good 15 minutes in the car even without traffic, but it was really really nice of them considering we'd only known each other for 3 hours (or maybe 6, if you count Becky's 18th!).

So yeah. After my dismal visit to the hopesucking place my faith in humanity was renewed by those two. I wish them all the best for the future - they seem like a great couple and very happy together.

Speaking of great couples - I finally (kind of) met Becky's boyfriend tonight as well, they just look like they belong together, and I think if you see that and have known one of the people for a long time before they met the other person, then that says a lot.

I took the 96 back to the city centre.

Wasted day

I'm not proud to say that I wasted my day today.

I worked on a new layout for this blog then in the end decided it was really shit and trashed it.

I've made a small adjustment to the site however, as you will notice the link to the DEC has been changed to a link to makepovertyhistory.org. The DEC appeal is now closed, as 46 million pounds has been donated to the appeal. Thank you everybody.

Edit: I don't know how I got the figure of 46 million, but actually the sum that was donated was over 250 million pounds, so quintiply well done and thank you everybody! Also, I'm putting the link back on as the Sudan Appeal is still going. Please donate. The UN called Darfur, Sudan "The world's worst humanitarian crisis". Information on the situation here. Many thanks.

Tests!!!

Cr...Chromium You scored 15 Mass, 24 Electronegativity, 72 Metal, and 0 Radioactivity!

Oooohaaaaah.... shiny! You probably have an incredibly stable and well-maintained group of friends... that probably also don't get out much either. You're not one to get bogged down by a problem. Of course, I'm basing this upon Chromium's ultra-low water-exchange constant and it 's corrosion-resistant properties, and I wouldn't be too surprised if the analogy doesn't even apply.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 2% on Mass You scored higher than 25% on Electroneg You scored higher than 91% on Metal You scored higher than 0% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

Maya Angelou! You scored 70 Demeanour, 45 Debauchery, 66 Traditionalism, and 60 Expression!

You like to talk about yourself, and you smile ALL THE FUCKING TIME. You're not very daring or original, but hey, that's why Oprah loves you! Your masterpiece is "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", or at least you think it is.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 61% on Demeanour You scored higher than 32% on Debauchery You scored higher than 54% on Traditionalism You scored higher than 26% on Expression

Link: The Which Famous Poet Are You Test written by Torontop on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Oh dear.... well I guess that's true.


awww :(

The Poor of Mind And the Survey Says: 60%

You are not rich in knowledge of the written word, but at least you weren't in the last category - right? You know your Dr. Seuss, but when it comes to anything over two hundred pages or multisyllabic words you turn away. Just remember: books are your friends. They don't bite as long as you don't. Recommendations: Matt Beaumont - e Chuck Palahniuk - Fight Club

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on points

Link: The Books Are My Friends Test written by whoisjohngalt on Ok Cupid

Let's get political.

I was in the library toilets (womens, of course) today and written on the back of the door was something to the affect of "Liberal Democrats will abolish tuition fees. Come on!"

Ohhhhkay. That's nice. In a nice little world where universities don't need money, it would be nice to go to a university and not have to pay tuition fees.

BUT we don't live in that nice little fantasy world. Universities DO need money to run. And where do you think most of that money comes from? Do you think they're introducing top-up fees just because they want to torture us? DO YOU?

WAKE UP. I'll give you some numbers.

How much it costs to go to Harvard PER YEAR
US$26,066 for tuition
(this doesn't include $4,706 for room)

That's roughly (at today's exchange rate) 13,758.34 GBP.

Let's put that in perspective. My flat in Edinburgh cost 90,000 GBP. To buy. One year at Oxford would cost me 15% of my flat.

Right now the Government are asking us to pay 1,150 GBP (if you're British). (That's less than 10% for a year at Harvard). If Lib Dems abolish tuition fees, that means 1,150 GBP will go out of public funding, into your university fees. What will they cut in order to fund YOUR education? There's always the hotly debated NHS or maybe
primary school education... any number of things really. And please note, that's 1,150GBP per student. Now I don't know how many students there are in the UK, but in my university alone there are 20,000 students. Obviously not all of them are British, but a significant majority of them are. And there's more than 100 universities in the UK. Hey, you know what? Let's spend ALL the budget on paying for YOUR education.

Ok so the government are introducing top-up fees. But how are our top universities going to cope without those top-up fees? Oxford and Cambridge threatened to privatise if the government didn't introduce those top-up fees. They need more money to stay at the top of their game, to compete against other international universities (like Harvard). You want to go to a crap university for free? Be my guest. But personally, I want the best. I did three years of IB to get grades good enough to get into an internationally recognised university, and I've worked for the past 4 summers to be able to pay my tuition fees, my rent, my food, my bills. And yes, I take out a student loan. I use it because my work isn't enough, but that's what student loans are for. They're not supposed to pay for everything, they're supposed to help support you.

Now if fees are topped-up, then some people won't even need student loans at all. They won't even have to pay those fees. Maybe people should read how the policy works before they go all haywire about how this would cut out university access to poorer people.

Copied and pasted from this BBC website:

The poorest students would be eligible for non-repayable support of up
to £3,000 year.

It works like this:

* annual tuition fees - currently a flat rate of £1,150 - would be varied from 2006, from nothing up to a maximum of £3,000
* families earning less than £30,000 would be eligible for a grant of up to £2,700 a year
* universities charging maximum fees will have to fund bursaries of at least £300 for the poorest students
* unlike now, students would no longer have to pay "up front" - while at university - unless they wanted to
* instead fees would be covered by a loan, repayable by graduates once their annual income passed £15,000
* repayments would then be a minimum of 9% of all earnings over that figure per year

I don't see what the hassle is about. People go to university without paying up front. Once they start earning money (perhaps big money from going to Uni), they can start paying their fees. Easy. Everybody's happy.

Why aren't you?

David Duchovny, why won't you love me?

In fertile soil you found yourself
and so roots you employed to ground you
and shaking you spread your arms to sun

Over night and day you grew
No one disturbing your peace
settling yourself firmly within
soil you now called your own

Oh weed then I came along and plucked you
your paltry shoots did not defend you
Nor your roots prevent me
from your doom

I do not wish you ill. It is merely a matter
of circumstance

Computers are....

computers are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

How tragic.

swimming is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Why are these so typical? :D

rock is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

snow is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

I think I just wrote Eamon a 3 page essay on the random worries going around my mind which I was so totally not planning to write in the first place but just came out anyway. Stupid worries. Also I weeded the gravel path driveway. Which still needs weeding but at least it doesn't have dandelions all over the place anymore.

I hope someone calls me for a job tomorrow so I don't have to weed no more. :( I should probably put in some studying as well.

After having watched all the Aliases I started reading Silver on the Tree by Susan Cooper which is a most excellent book from a most excellent series - it might not be as magicky and exciting as Harry Potter but there is a certain classicness and timelessness to it as well as a nice wistfulness.. a lot of nesses. :) I'm really glad I bought the bookset (it starts with Over Sea, Under Stone), though I think I'm missing one of the books. :( It kind of taught me how to pronounce some Welsh as well, which was good. (w is pronounced oo and y is pronounced u, as in slum)

Holiday - Ain't no Sunshine

I'm currently on holiday and have glutted myself on (about 11) episodes of Alias that my sister taped for me whilst at Uni and now I have no more to watch. :( The next episode airs tomorrow night but I'm not sure I can wait that long!!! *clenches fists and jaw*

I've only been home since Friday afternoon as well... :(

Oh well I suppose this gives me the rest of the week to study! Damn that Alias. Only highlight if you've seen the episodes or are not planning to watch... ( I'm so happy that Lauren is a bad guy! That means that once everyone finds out, Vaughan can dump her and get back together with Sydney and everyone can be happy! Except maybe for Weiss? )

What else have I been up to since I last posted...

I finally got to see one of my most favouritest bands in the world Hanson (tiny review of the concert here) and of course dragged poor Ian and Eamon down to the concert amongst 50 gazillion little girls... I must say I was a bit disappointed with the fan base and expected more than what showed up. Though for their part Hanson didn't really look like they wanted to be on stage (Ian pointed out that there might've been tension between Ike and Taylor... though he had no idea what their names were and what order of succession they came in!) but who can blame them if for the past 5 years they've been trying to come out of their MmmBop mould, they turn up to concerts and all that awaits them is a sea of adolescent girls? Ok there were the occasional older people (...like... parents) and males but if I were them i would be pretty pissed off. But then again your fans are your fans. It's hard to gain any respectability when you're being followed around by adolescent girls but, they/we were here first and there is no way in hell we're gonna leave them. :D We'll just have to convince others to join us. Like Ian and Eamon. :D So yes, success! After 6 1/2 years I have finally convinced Eamon that Hanson r cool. r0x0rz. I think it helped that they opened with a Radiohead song and played "Ain't no Sunshine" but as they demonstrated their own songs are amazing as well. Though I can't believe that his favourite was one from Middle of Nowhere. Which is about a prostitute (well at least that's what I think it is). But it's actually about dancing.

Yeah so Hanson was excellent and kinda funny with the fan base and the lack of people filling up the bar and Ian and Eamon's not-so-great plan of hanging back until the warm-up act was over and everybody in front decides to go to the bar and jumping in then. I told them that Hanson fans have been around for several years and will not give up the chance to be so close to their idols but we ended up several several metres back anyway. :( And stupid fans screaming when Zac was doing "Broken Angel". I want to hear Zac you stupids, not you! Not to mention how disrespectful that was to him. No-brainers.

So a couple days after Hanson I took the bus back down to Glasgow and jetted off (ooh how glamarous) to Alicante to join my parents and sisters for a 10 day tour of south-eastern Spain in a rented car that we managed, somehow miraculously, not to throw up or spill gummy bears all over the show in. Although there might've been some crumbs. We were based in Xabia where the waters were really clear, though no chance for a swim as it was not swimming weather being around 14, 15 degrees C. We drove up to Granada and spent a few nights there and had a look around the Alhambra which was really nice. Maybe I'm just too attached to water. :) And we drove around the area a bit as well, saw a lot of little towns and went for a lot of walks up and down hills to see bridges and towns and streets and plucked oranges off of trees, most of which were more sour than a lemon.

And then while we were there Sumatra had a couple more earthquakes and the Pope died.

Then I came home (Edinburgh home) and spent a few nice days in Edinburgh and did absolutely nothing useful except print out my exam papers and possibly peeled and chopped up some things for Ian while he was making dinner - it's strange how days can go by so quickly and 4 1/2 hours on the train last forever.

Then on Friday I came home and watched a lot of episodes of Alias. A lot.